I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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