i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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