Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
