He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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