During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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