my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
