dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
