Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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