If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
