I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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