First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
