There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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