I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
