I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
