tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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