I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
