my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
