Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
