you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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