I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
