I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
