when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
