So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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