i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
