You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
