I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
