She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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