I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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