I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
please don't ironically join a cult
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