Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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