Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
