Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
