Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
