i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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