he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
