i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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