when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
