Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
