I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
