dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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