There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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