turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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