No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
