I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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