I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
bring money and cleavage
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
