You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
