It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
