he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we're so committed to being not committed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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