Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
