Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
