I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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