the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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